Welcome to Alternate Reality, or more simply 'Life As I See It'. A recollection of a unique view of this order of things.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

Monsanto, a multi billion dollar company that almost has the market cornered when it comes to genetically engineered seed and crops is worried that you are being deceived. Even recently complaining to the FDA about those pesky organic dairy farmers, weirdo hippies and any other nutbars that insist on labeling their products as free of artificial hormones or genetic modification. It seems that by declaring their products free of such things, the farmers are insinuating that artificial hormones, pesticides and what-have-you are somehow bad for you. Laughable as it sounds, Monsanto may just have a point.

I think the idea of an alarm clock that runs away is cute. And I bet a lot of people that bought these things thought that too but if they are anything like me they could have probably tore it's wheels off after Snooze hit #3.

For those of you that don't have pets, and haven't encountered any hysterical pet owners over the past few months, there was this massive recall on pet foods because it seems that some of the ingredients were poisoned with industrial chemicals. Then to make matters worse, it turns out that the food that pigs are eating was contaminated with yet another poisonous chemical. There are conspiracy theorists out there wondering if it was done for profit as they claim that these chemicals make it look like there is more protein then there is. However, I think the answer is a bit more practical then that. The one thing that all these tainted ingredients have is that they come from China, and not just one factory in China either. While all sold by the same distributor, the tainted fillers and proteins came from several different rending plants. Now back in August of last year the Chinese were all in a panic over Rabies (as they should, it is one of the leading killers in China) and did a massive pet cull destroying about fifty thousand dogs. That was all fine and good, but it didn't solve the Rabies problem. Fast forward to November when the Chinese Government adopts a 'one small dog per family' law. Of course, people get attached to pets and regardless of prosecution may be tempted to not destroy any extra Pooches. Authorities are far to busy persecuting Falun Gong practitioners to go door-to-door looking for pets, so it not a big jump to wonder if poisoning the little darlings may well have been China's Final Solution to it's pet problem.

Fill 'er up...with Bacon! The fate of the poisoned pigs isn't so dark, after all some enterprising companies have figured out how to make gas out of them. Now don't get me wrong, I am all for Bio-fuels and finding creative uses for animal remains but I find the idea of running cars with dead animals just a wee bit disturbing to me for some reason. I guess I am used to my car running over them as opposed to running on them. It just might work tho, all it would take is a bit of genetic tinkering to make some extra fat Diesel Pigs, maybe Monsanto can help them out with that.

Smoking can be hazardous to your health, but it can save your life too.

There has been a lot of chatter lately about how the U.S administration has an agenda that seems to run counter the the best interests of the American way of life. The thing about democracies is that there are many visions on precisely what that way of life should be, so one can't demonize the current U.S. administration for trying to usher the country into the brave new world that they envision. There are however warning flags that such a direction may not be the best way to go. Top 10 signs your country is turning into a fascist state, or How to curtail constitutional freedoms in 10 easy steps. An interesting comparison about the recent political climate in the United States. In other political news, U.S. President George bush voted unanimously to grant himself the constitutional power to grant himself more powers.

On the environmental/entertainment/political front, Singer Sheryl Crowe is encouraging us to cut down on the amount of toilet paper we use. Which made me pause for a moment, as I can't figure out why it's cute when those annoying Charmin bears dance around singing about how great using less toilet paper is, but when a singer just talks about it I crack up laughing. Crowe and Karl Rove mixed things up recently at the White House Correspondents dinner. After reading a few different perspectives on the encounter I'm still not sure if Rove was just tired of global warming and just wanted to talk about golf, or uncomfortable being touched by people that use so little toilet paper.

On the topic of politicians that say dumb things. The European parliament and Poland are at odds over a draft of legislation that would ban the 'promotion' of homosexuality in Polish schools. During the debate Polish MEP Witold Tomczak was recently quoted to say "The solution is to help those who suffer [homosexuals] and to provide them with the cure that they expect us to deliver". Try as I might I can't find any headlines about Gays getting together and lobbying any government for a cure to homosexuality. I guess they suffer in silence. Not to be outdone, an MEP from the League of Polish Families, Maciej Giertych, has published a pamphlet stating that homosexuality is "biologically useless" and "reversible" as long as there is "the desire to become heterosexual and the spiritual motivation". I may cede to his point on the reproductive aspect, however even animals use sex for reasons other then reproduction and most of them are gay too. The expression of homosexuality must have some social and evolutionary benefits (other then concentrating style, taste and flair all in one friendly demographic), otherwise natural selection would have certainly culled it out fairly quickly.

Of course, it would unfair to single out Poland for enacting senseless laws when it comes to sex, check out this list of bizarre sex laws from around the world. Keeping with the theme, it seems that a direct descendant of the prophet Muhammad has been doing gay porn on Xtube. [This story mentioned with no insult to the respected teachings of Islam, although he does seem to violate bizarre sex laws 1 and 2]. It seems there is an arrest warrant out for Richard Gere and Shilpa Shetti for 'transgressing all limits of vulgarity' at a recent appearance. It sounds really hot, until you realize that apparently Indians are very good at hysterically overreacting.

Runaway Brides! A Nigerian woman and her 4 lesbian brides go underground after their wedding to avoid death by stoning or something worse. Why do I see either OutTV or the Playboy channel picking up the rights on this story...

The makers of that slippery adult lubricant Astroglide made a huge gaff earlier this week when they accidentally posted the names AND addresses of 250 thousand people that had requested free samples of their product...ONLINE! Personally I've never been a fan, I find it breaks down in the high friction situations I often find myself in.

Schadenfreude (an overly long German word that can be summed up as simply being spiteful), is not a very evolved thing and I do so try to repress the urge to cackle with glee whenever a celebrities antics catch up with them. Snoop Doggs bad boy image has gotten him banned from yet another country. Officials in Australia cancelled his travel visa after he failed a character test when pleading no contest to a slew of weapons and drug charges in the US. "He doesn't seem the sort of bloke we want in this country," Immigration Minister Kevin Andrews was quoted to say. Newsflash Snoop, the 'street cred' that made your career can also destroy it. In other celebrity news, English actor Hugh Grant has been arrested for assaulting a photographer...with beans!

Life imitates the movies, it turns out that Kryptonite is real. Although its not really Kryptonite and they are calling it Jadarite and it fluoresces Pink not green, so I can't see what all the fuss is about but it does provide a handy lead into BBC's Site about the science behind a few of our favorite superheroes.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

Briefly coming back to a click in my last post about Scientists creating synthetic sperm from Stem cells, I stumbled across an article musing about something I hadn't considered. The same group is looking for ethical approval to create She-Sperm from Female cells. Which while would be a boon for lesbians, is just plain weird. If they can grow She-Sperm, it's only a matter of time before they start pumping out He-Eggs which would make for some very interesting family planning I think.

Do you know how famous your favorite celebrities are? Play Famousr and find out.

Mmmm, McDonald's shopping spree vs. Childhood obesity. I wonder who decides where to put these billboards.

OK, so I like making fun of old people and I'm not alone, this Mobility commercial showing swinging seniors 'getting 10 kinds of nasty' just cracked me up. It's a bit sad though that after the party they went home and were crushed under a pile of their own offal. I do have to feel bad for these people, after all, other then drowning is a sewage tsunami, being trapped under a pile of your own trash for a week is a pretty undignified way to go.

Waste time and stay informed with MSNBC's NewsBreaker game!

Break out those mini eggs, researchers with a sweet tooth have proven something women have know all along, Chocolate really is better then kissing.

Hmm, you know those hysterical types that say that amending marriage laws to let gays marry will just open a floodgate of perverse unions between people, oddly shaped trees, helpful robots and unsuspecting animals. Well it seems that the Sudanese don't need gays for that, just last week a village council forced a man to marry a goat and pay a dowry to it's owner after he was caught...using the goat in a wifely fashion. Why do I get the idea that this was a win/win for everyone except for the goat?

This sneaker's not made in Japan, it's made OF Japan.

Speaking of sex, the Archbishop of Canterbury recently spoke about his concerns that questions of sex and the inclusion of homosexuals in the church will irreparably divide the Anglican communion. Which quite frankly, from the exclusion of the U.S. Episcopalian churches in Anglican affairs, to the split of some larger congregations, I think it already has. Dr Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury and the head of the Anglican church, will be meeting with the Episcopal Bishops in the U.S. to try and mend the rift a little, but I believe the separate factions of the church have already reached the 'Irreconcilable differences' part of this divorce.

Imagine every ones surprise when a recently published study revealed that Abstinence only sex education doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work, Considering how much sex we are bombarded with from day to day in movies, TV, newspapers and so forth, the idea that teens will not have sex just because teachers they have no respect for anyways tell them 'it's better to wait' is not only misguided, but completely laughable. Of course this is just my view, some other people have some pretty interesting views on the matter as well.

The million monkey theory is hard at work on this website. The Drawball is actually one of the best implementations of online graffiti I have ever come across.

On the topic of animal stories, I stumbled across more then a few. Here's one about a very confused Chinese mouser has gone and adopted the mouse it was supposed to eat and these motivational posters for cats are a must click for any cat lover. On the invertebrate scene a family of spider mites has rediscovered the joy of sex, which makes them the first species ever to have re-evolved sexual reproduction. Go Mites!

Look daddy kittens! I just love this picture.

Some interesting news on the Physics front. Scientists have confirmed that, as per Einsteins prediction, the mass of the earth does indeed bent space-time, and are now hard at work figuring out if it drags it around as well.

Just some food for thought. One is infinitesimally small, the other incomprehensively huge, and yet the symmetry is downright eerie.

My significant other is so desperate to look popular he even invited my mother to Facebook so he could have another friend. And that's no 'Yo Mama' joke either. I on the other hand, just use the popularity dialer and look popular in real time.

Fun with Microwaves! I wonder how many things they nuked before finding a bar of soap that would do this.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

The Morning Wood: Daniel Migani

Daniel Miagany (born on September 18, 1978 in Los Angeles, CA) is a male fashion model who has appeared on the cover of San Diego's Rocket, Frontiers, IN Magazine, Revista Adelante and other numerous magazines.

One of my friends recently mentioned that the Morning Wood boys have been getting prettier and prettier. So Sean, this bad boys for you.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

Busy, busy, busy... One of my favorite authors has passed away this week, that being Kurt Vonnegut. From the foot fetish inspiring Bokonism of Cats Cradle to the time shifting fatalism of Slaughterhouse 5 and all the existential quirkiness between, before, after and beyond his books and writing style warped my young mind in ways that would most likely take psychiatrists years to unravel should I ever give them the chance.

Moving along to some much lighter fare now. Online genealogy sites are all the rage, but ever so dry. Get Medieval on its ass and tell your families story (or any story really) by creating your very own Historic Tapestry online!

I just had Wendy's for lunch and after browsing this site, I think I am going to be sick. Morbidly fascinating, burger after burger I just couldn't click away. It's the Burger Museum.

I think Cadbury just found a new Mascot for their cream eggs. On the topic of Cockatoo's this Miller light commercial featuring a Brazilian Fighting Cockatoo was just to rich to pass up.

For the longest time, I thought the stories of The U.S. Military using animals were hoaxes, but apparently they've been using them since the 50's. The Navy's Special Ops dolphins, (and Sea lions too) may be getting a new assignment. The top brass is looking to deploy them in Washington State. While I am sure they would be helpful there, I'm placing bets that the next story about them will about how they all go AWOL and are next seen frolicking in Hawaii. There is a reason that bottle nose Dolphins don't go that far North. It's too darn cold for them!

Here is an interesting bit of Trivia. The fearsome king of the Cretaceous, the Tyrannosaurus Rex is a distant relative of modern Chickens. Scientists recently demineralized bits of a 68 million Thigh bone from one of the mighty beasts and found some protein fragments similar to those found in chicken bones. Mmmm, I bet they would make mighty good wings.

Speaking of bones, I could have thought up a much more interesting headline for this next article. 'Bones blow load', 'Scientists teach old bones new ticks.', the list just goes on. Scientists are quite excited by some experiments where they coaxed bone cells to produce immature sperm cells. While interesting, men have been milking sperm from bones for quite some time now, so while I appreciate the irony, I don't think it's anything new.

If you have troubles getting a date, it turns out, you probably live on the wrong coast.

Australia's Prime Minister, John Howard, has waded into some murky waters by calling for an immigration ban for those infected with HIV, so far the reaction hasn't been pretty. However such immigration bans aren't at all uncommon. Most developed countries including The UK, China, the U.S. and even the ever compassionate Canada have similar immigration restrictions that turn away those with infectious diseases, and HIV is part of that package. The debate as to whether such policies are ethical aside, I do find that them a humanitarian failure of global proportions. Higher living standards, access to cutting edge treatments, and care facilities make those afflicted with the the disease in developed countries the healthiest in the world so it's no wonder that people would want access to that.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger took some time to sexually harass mother nature, saying that the Environment is going to have to get sexy if anyone is going to care about it.

Granted, the details on this story are a bit sketchy and I would never be one to critique Sharia legal tradition but I just think that getting 80 lashes for being sexually abused by ones stepfather is a little extreme. 20 maybe, but 80 is just over the top.

CompuBeaver! Here's a big old 'What the hell!', for this product.

I'd like to try this flip trick without clothes on.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Just a quote

Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.Who calls you back when you hang up on him. Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's him."

That's my Steffen.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

The Morning Wood: Udi Karni

Udi Karni. I don't know too much about him other then the fact that he's hot, Israeli and good with poles. Along with preparing for the Beijing Olympics this 23 year old athlete has thankfully taken some time to model. For those who are interested, his pole vault record is 5.25 Meters and he recently won the national Decathlon.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

Our brains are pretty funky things, constantly aggregating information from all our senses and building a subjective interpretation of reality so that we can interact with the world around us. It's not surprising how debilitating losing one or two would be, but have you considered what would happen if you added a couple more?

Talk about unclear on the concept. Here is a touching story about a Thai drug dealer that got so good a beating people up in jail that they fast tracked her early parole.

How dating my ex was like playing Doom 2 on nightmare mode.

One would think that after all these years, people would get the hint and not put lead in children's toys. Unless they are implementing some sort of child poverty final solution that is. This really isn't anything new however, it's actually part of an ongoing agenda to maim as many children as possible. Don't take my word for it though, just look at some of these other maiming machines that toy companies has passed off as harmless fun over the years.

Funky photography! Who ever through the dance between coffee and creamer would look so lovely.

Following up on novel things to do with the remains of our dearly departed, Keith Richards snorted his father! ‘I couldn't’t resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow,’ Richards said of his father's ashes. He did take the comment back, claiming it was all in jest, but considering the man is more preserved then alive, I wouldn't put it past him.

US president George W. Bush just hasn't learned that the sins of others don't forgive ones own.He reacted to the recent EPA ruling that sais the US has to cut its carbon emissions with his trademark puzzling logic. Apparently if the US cuts its emissions, China would then be the largest polluter and being number one would allow them to pollute more. I suppose Chinese superiority in this field would send a dangerous message to terrorists as well. However,rebuffing criticism that the US Administration is doing nothing to prevent climate change,bush pointed to his latest initiative to preserve critically endangered glaciers with a captive breeding program.

It's about time that Fairy tale weddings came to the Magic Kingdom. Disney, a company long known for its tolerant attitude, will now permit Gays and lesbians to have magically commercial weddings at Walt Disney world and it's resorts. Until now this was a privilege reserved for those with valid marriage licences, (AKA Heteros). Although I do wonder how many princesses can show for a wedding before things turn ugly.

On the topic of Life imitating Disney. For all of us that bawled through the mid 80's adventures of Tod and Copper, here is a real life Fox and Hound.

Ouch! I guess the new hummers aren't nearly as rugged as as we have been led to believe. It certainly paid to take the bus that day.

Nothing says spring like frivolous litigation and people are getting down right creative. I can almost understand being peeved at negligent dancing, but I just can't see this suit claiming damages from unreasonably dangerous coffee getting too far.

Artificial sweetener by any other name still doesn't taste like Splenda. On the topic of interesting lawsuits, the makers of Equal and Sweet n' Low are suing the makers of Splenda,claiming Splenda's advertising is misleading, confuses consumers and thus is hurting their business. Quite frankly, Equal and SnL suck ass (not in the good way either), and competing with a product that actually tastes almost like sugar is what is hurting their business. Here's a business strategy that might workout: take the money they are paying lawyers and develop a product that doesn't blow.

Bored at work? Here's the top 5 punch clock time wasters.

It's weird, but it actually looks quite tasty. Meat cake anyone?

Danielynn Birkhead-Smith apparently has a new daddy. Frankly, I don't buy it. This sudden revelation just smacks of a cover-up. The only other person capable of whipping up a media frenzy on this scale was her mother Anna Nicole, which leads me to suspect...Danielynn is a clone!

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Morning Wood Meltdown: Juan Matin Berberian

Juan Matin Berberian Blanco, a big name for a big man. Born April 25th, 1977 in Mar del Plata this Spanish Rugby player can be my Fullback any day.

There are some pictures from a calendar photo shoot that he did recently where he shows quite a bit of himself. I'm afraid they show enough (quite a bit I might add), to break my rules for pictures I post for the Morning wood. That being said, you can see them RIGHT HERE, and some MORE HERE. Go ahead and click, I promise you won't be disappointed.

Below is a video from Yahoo of the photo shoot and whats not in the pics, is all right there. It breaks my rules too, but hey, I blame the Cabernet. Please don't click it if you are under 18, or are offended by HOT HOT Rugby players. 'Nuff said.

Congratulations Juan, you have just earned the first Morning Wood Meltdown! Don't hesitate to email me to arrange for you to pick up...your trophy.