Welcome to Alternate Reality, or more simply 'Life As I See It'. A recollection of a unique view of this order of things.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

The Morning Wood: Daniel Erthal

Daniel Erthal, born March 22, 1982, in Bom Jardim, Rio de Janeiro, is a Brazilian actor and model. Along with acting in several shows I can't pronounce, he also tried dancing when he joined in the 3rd season of Brazil's Dancing with the Stars where he, unfortunately, got eliminated first.

Fit to be Clicked

As thrilling as watching paint dry, as riveting as watching the grass grow. It's the Cheese Cam! Yes, now you to can watch cheese cure online. There must be quite a few bored people out there, as if the hit counter is to be believed, the site gets a fair amount of traffic.

Despite urging from presidents both past and present and Microsoft wanting absolutely nothing to do with it, Russian prosecutors are still going after that teacher caught with pirated copies of Windows running on his schools computers. After reading through the article, I kind of have to wonder who in the justice department has a grudge against this guy.

The truth is out there, and apparently it's on the 'Net too. Responding to the challenge issued by former Canadian defence minister Paul Hellyer for governments come clean on the fabulous alien technology they must posses, France has posted it's whole UFO archive online. The load is a bit slow, but you can see it all here. Now that we are on the topic of aliens, Space.com debunks the top 10 alien myths.

Geek is the new Gay. Acting like a geek gets you noticed. And speaking of picking up, it turns out that it doesn't take much to convince people your hot.

Contrary to popular belief, folding the tip into cute animal shapes will not score you points with your waiter.

I was chatting with a friend of mine about those semi-identical twins that for some reason have been all the rage in the news lately. Technically they are Chimera, not Twins but I admit, that's splitting the gene awfully thin. The nightmarish ethics of Frankenstein sheep aside tho, doctors and scientists have been creating chimera for decades now, and apparently nature has been as well.

Of course, after the debate of the ethics and oddities of the concept, our conversation swung to the mythological context of our culture spanning fascination with splicing things together. Just to clear things up, Lamia was in fact Greek, but had the body of a serpent and the torso of a woman. The other Lamia, is middle eastern and does, in fact, have the body of a lion. The bear splice I was thinking about was actually the Lashu. Kudos to you Sam for knowing your Monsters! I'll be tracking you down the next time we play team trivia for sure, now onto the next category...

These people must have did something to really piss off their graphic artist.

It's Jesulicious...literally! Just in time for Easter its a chocolate Jesus. I'm not sure what has the Christians so upset, the fact that he's naked or edible.

Chalk one up for the little guy. The discovery of a few new species of tiny spider like cave dwellers have halted plans to build a new mine. While building the new mine would wipe them out, the company is appealing the EPA's ruling with a spokesman saying that it is all just part of the business. Apparently they've been driving species to the brink for years, so why stop now.

Extreme? Yes. Cool? Oh Yeah. Suicidal? Definitely. This guy is certainly a nomination for a Darwin award. I think you'd need to be a special kind of crazy to strap a wing and 2 jet engines to your back and jump off a plane.

Now I'm not normally one to poke fun at the little people, but this is one feisty midget!

I'm not sure if it is sad or touching, but either way love blossoms anew for the lovestruck swan who made news last year when she fell head over heals for a paddle boat. As Swans mate for life, she had to be taken in by a local zoo over the winter when she refused to leave her plastic beau to fly South. The happy couple are back in the water now and can be seen blissfully paddling up and down the river together.

Goats, porn magazines and spray paint...this one is just to freaky even for me.

They say a diamond is forever, and now you to can turn your beloved pet into a stunning accent piece.

There are times in life where one gets super upset, does something really stupid and in a few years can look back and laugh. Why do I think that this is not one of those stories...

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

Celebrity reality check! I normally let the celebs do their own publicity, but I'll make an exception for Snoop. That's right, that hip hop/rapper/entertainment train wreck Snoop Dog was recently denied a Visa into the UK. Snoops rep is reportedly "mystified" by the news. Say wha? The man was arrested for violent disorder at Heathrow Airport and is facing several weapon and drug charges in the U.S. These people really are living in an alternate reality if they think that little things like that won't stop you dead in your tracks at the border. Newsflash, Snoop. Celebrity entitlement only gets one so far.

On the topic of celebrities, most of us are far to young to remember Frankie Howerd. We was an incredibly popular English comic that died back in '92. Dennis Heymer, his lover, partner and manager, took some time to talk to the BBC about their secret life together in an age when homosexuality was taboo. While neither were activist at all and Howerd even loathed himself for it, I must say that I am glad that we have come far enough so that our loves needn't be so bittersweet.

I have noticed this pattern of whenever the powers that be have something they would like to distract us from, such as say, the sudden mobilization of U.S. military resources in the Persian gulf, the news feeds are inundated with inane animal stories. Take for instance PETA's sudden outrage at Kansas State students for throwing Chickens onto the court when playing against Kansas U. Sure it's been going on for years, but it's very convenient that just now PETA is rising to the defence of what they describe as "very intelligent and inquisitive animals". Are they talking about the Basketball players or the chickens?

Of course, the nature and scale of the intelligence of animals has been a hotly debated subject for years. PBS's Nature put together a fascinating mini series on the topic that I highly recommend. Eager to test these theories, our friends at The Onion found that Dolphins may not be as smart as we give them credit for.

Things just get stranger from here. Talk about pocket lizards, this lady was positively infested with crocodiles when she was stopped at the border. And on the other side of the world, Panda sperm flies first class. What I want to know is how did they get this cryo-canister on the plane when I can't even fly with Gatorade?

Flee for your lives, it's Toadzilla!

Scientists sure do have some strange fetishes! Chinese researchers have come up with a creative solution for disposing of and abundance Panda poop, they want to make paper with it. Talk about recycling! On the other side of the world, another team of researchers is very excited about what mites in ancient Llama poo can tell them about pre-incan populations in South America.

Speaking of fetishes, what would you do with 1500 undergarments?

You thought your pet was talented? Not yet an Olympic sport, it's Goldfish synchronized swimming.

Citizens in Portugal have penned a letter the Pope asking that the Vatican slow down a priest speeding in his pimped Fiesta. That's right, a Ford Fiesta. Who the heck tricks out a Fiesta?

There are some very nifty pics in this homage to interesting trees from around the world. My favorite is the stump left when a scientist inadvertently cut down the oldest tree in the world.

Oh this is horrible. On the topic of undignified deaths, 3 people are confirmed dead after a sewage tsunami hit a neighborhood in Gaza. What a way to go.

Sci/Tech has had some interesting headlines over the past bit, Scientists have retrieved about 20 years worth of mission data from Pioneer 11 from the depths of JPLs Archives. They are hoping this will allow them to get a better grasp on the Pioneer Anomaly,(the spacecraft aren't nearly as far away as they should be), and perhaps explain it away for good.

Leave it to the Spaniards to come up with Jurassic porn.

Forget hydrogen! The future of fuel cells is looking sweet.

Not content with merely being Persons of the Year, Youtube has wrapped up its first annual YouAwards. Check out the winners and losers on...well Youtube of course.

Monday, March 26, 2007

The Morning Wood: Leandro Okabe

Leandro Okabe. Leandroooo...Oh LEANDRO! This 6 feet tall, 21-year-old Physical Education student from Sao Paulo, Brazil, is the new Terra's "The Boy" model. He began his modeling career in Asia, mostly in Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand and Hong Kong and then was discovered by an agency in Brazil. If you're wondering, that giant sexy tattoo on his ribcage means "happiness" in Chinese.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Attack of the Mac Ads.

So I was out Youtubing today, looking for funny commercials and found something so much better. These just go to show that the PC vs. Mac ads could have been so much better. Is it just me or is PC kinda cute in these ones?

Networking! Who ever thought file sharing could be so much fun.

And what better way to spice up a network then with Asian Accessories!

Upgrading! Definitely a reason to unplug from that Mac network before installing new hardware.

And gaming too!

Fit to be Clicked

Is it just me or has it been a very slow week in the news? Today's offering is more diversions then news, but sometimes mindless entertainment isn't all that bad.

A few species of spiders surprised scientists by showing off their softer side. Who knew spiders like to cuddle to?

Have you ever read a news item and had that feeling that there was a lot more to the story then was actually written? Picture it, one of the IT guys down in the Alaskan Department of Revenue, 'accidentally' deletes a 38 billion dollar file and then, in a flustered fit, formats the drive that held the back up. Good thing they could fall back on the tape backup. No wait, the tapes were trash too!It took 220 grand and 6 weeks to rebuild the data. Former Revenue Commissioner Bill Corbus said no one was blamed for the incident and that "we all learned a valuable lesson". If I deleted 38 billion dollars I know my employer wouldn't be that forgiving.

People really do look funny while playing the Wii.

This is a fun waste of time. In Sprout you start off as a pod and learn to morph into different plants to negotiate your way through a tropical island maze.

By now you all know my penchant for lists and I've been on a movie run lately, so here are 40 things that only happen in movies and 9 laws of physics that just don't seem to apply in Hollywood.

The conspiracy revealed! The Deathstar was an inside job. I am so recommending this for the next title in my book club.

Why is it that marketers and advertisers have this idea that dressing people up as food will make their product more appetizing? It doesn't, it just humiliates actors. To illustrate my point, browse these 10 Ads with people dressed up as food looking like idiots and some much worse.

The folks over at Imagini have come up with a nifty twist on the tired, but always popular personality quiz, VisualDNA. Click on an array of pictures and it will tell you all about yourself. It's very well done, and great for one of those personal touches to add to your Facebook.

Ever wonder Why men don't get published by Dear Abby?

The row over evolution vs. intelligent design and how they should be addressed in school curriculum's has sparked a new debate over how to address religion in schools over in the U.S. I hadn't really given much thought about the unholy logistics of trying to teach religion in school until I stumbled across this stub.I'm just not sure I want my teenager taking Tantra Yoga 101.

There are some people that you just don't want to talk to, and finding a polite excuse hang up on them is never easy. What do you do when someone just doesn't get the hint? Some of these sound files might be just what you need.

The Web is vast and with our ability to access just about everything on anything almost everywhere it is getting harder and harder to figure out what is out there, let alone weather or not we are even interested in it. If you don't know what you like, but like it when you see it, then Stumbledupon.com might just be for you. The more you use it, the more it figures out what stories and pages you might like. It's a bit limited, but that is a relative term in the context of the 'Net.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

The Morning Wood: Gary Lucy

Gary Edward Lucy (born 27 November 1981 in Chigwell, Essex), is an English television actor made famous for his role oas Luke Morgan in Hollyoaks and as the hot hot Kyle Pascoe in Footballers Wives.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Fit To Be Clicked

I found this science/biology story kinda nifty, just because I didn't think that any complex animal was able to pull off a regeneration on this scale, however the lowly yet biologically advanced sea squirt can regenerate itself from the smallest bit of blood vessel.

There have been a lot of animal stories floating around in the news lately actually. Have you ever wondered how Buddhists handle a fire ant infestation? Non violently of course, however that doesn't mean that some other less enlightened soul can't take care of the problem for them. From here, it just gets down right kinky. For instance, Did you know that there is a sperm bank for dogs? Or that Gorillas gave us crabs? How does one retrieve a hamster from a 4 inch hole? You suck it out. China is appealing to Biomechanists the world over to design a prosthetic leg for a Giant Panda so that she can finally get laid. And lastly, proving that perversion really is part of nature, spiders use butt plugs.

There has been no shortage of kink in the human news lately either. There was this gentleman that found out the hard way that there are some things that just don't belong in your bum, especially when flying. And Israel has had to let go of its 2nd ambassador to El Salvador for unbecoming conduct. The latest one was found drunken and bound, dressed only in the scantest of S&M gear.

On a related note, have you ever wondered why men pass out after sex? It seems that we're evolutionarily optimized for it.

Moving onto politics, does the American administration have an image problem? President bush recently kicked off a tour of Latin America to reach out to impoverished peoples who promptly ritually cleansed the ground he walked on shortly after his visit.

The Battle of Helmsdeep with Gummi Bears. Here is someone else that has way to much time on their hands. But they get points for creative interpretation.

Last year, Viacom paid 62 million dollars to its exiting CEO for doing a terrible job and posted a fair loss due to flagging revenues. Now it seems they are hoping to float their company (with what I'm sure is soon to become a cottage industry), by suing Youtube/Google.

It's hottttt in Topeeeekaaaaaa... and apparently inside Enceladus as well. On the topic of space, the ESA has released some funky new animations that are bound to pique the interest of extreme adventure tourists. Ever wanted to hang glide on Mars?

Freedom of expression is one of those rights that always seems to clash with some peoples delusion that we have the right to walk through life and never be offended. But it also sets up an interesting double standard. Pope Benedict recently reiterated the Catholic Church's stance of abortion, Gay marriage, divorcees and inappropriate music of all things, and this was greeted with barely a low rumble from activist groups. However, while side stepping the divorce and abortion issues, when U.S General Peter Pace expressed his personal view that homosexuality is immoral, it set off a flurry of condemnation and demands for apology. Now while I'm no fan of homophobia and I disagree with them both, it must be said that I would never apologize for expressing my twisted shameless views, so I can't see why either of them should. What makes a society free is the ability to express your thoughts and ultimately add your 2 cents to the great ideological debate that shapes a society.

On the topic of people that don't like gays, you may remember that a while back I gave some kudos to NBA'er Tim Hardaway for at least being upfront about his big Gay issues. Well I take it all back, the nansy-pansy apparently no longer hates gay people. Now he says he loves gay people and just wants them to give him a second chance. Tim, you're a looser. If you're going to let loose a spiteful rant on national TV, then at least have the courage to stand by your convictions.

Banana's fund terrorism! That's right, every time they went to the grocery store and bought those nutritious fruits, housewives and soccer moms all over the continent were clandestinely funding violent terrorist organizations in Columbia. The Chiquita company has been paying Leftist rebels and far-right paramilitary groups protection money for years and is now paying a hefty 25 million dollar fine for it. Whoever would have thought that the ubiquitous and innocent Chiquita banana was really a Blood banana!

Monday, March 12, 2007

The Morning Wood

Reynaldo Gianecchini is a Brazilian actor and was born in Birigui, near Sao Paulo, on November 12, 1972.

Friday, March 09, 2007

The Morning Wood

Marco Dapper, born July 9, 1983, in Hayward, California, is an American actor.

Marco is also the hot hunk in Eating Out 2, the sequel of a campy movie that I really enjoyed about a guy that pretended to be gay to get a girl. Now I haven't seen this one, but I'm certainly going to try now. Here's the trailer.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Unfortunately it wasn't mine, but another pointless blog full of poorly written, incoherent commentary managed to make it to the front page of Digg. So what is the secret to obtaining such a vaunted position? You pay for it of course! This was an experiment by wired Magazine, possibly to generate bad press about Digg and this had the tech commentators salivating over the prospect of a lawsuit. This does make a point that I've suspected for quite some time, user-ranking systems are more often then not misleading. There is an easier and free way to do it though, just post a story and then share the vote button with everyone on your social networking site of choice and the votes come rolling in. After all, people will click anything for friend.

Is art imitating life again? The Iconic Captain America was felled by a snipers bullet in the latest edition of his self titled comic book. Now granted, a great majority of people don't stay dead for long in the Marvel universe, but after a 66 year career of defending the planet from Hitler to villains in alternate realities and everything in between, you'd think they'd have the decency to give Steve Rogers a slightly more heroic death. Is someone at Marvel making a point? Perhaps that after decades as an invulnerable superpower now with a constitution in tatters, the formidable U.S. economic and social machines have been deflated by the smallest of foes. Nah, that couldn't be it.

On a slightly more upbeat note, back in 1982 the iconic blond of the 80's generation broke onto the scene and immediately became the object of desire for boys, girls, nerds and Jocks alike. She was sweet and stylish, with bows in her hair and eyelashes that went on forever. Her ruby lips devoured everything in her path, she was Ms. Pacman! And she's celebrating her 25th Birthday this week by expanding her brand to Itunes.

Snakes on a plane! Well, they almost got on the plane.

First there were knife wielding femme fatalles and then came the homoerotic voyeurism and now gang domination by the pool, is it just me or has Dolce and Gabbana completely overshot risque with it's new ads? After labeling Spain (and anyone else that has found offence in their recent advertising), as behind the times and prudish, Dolce and Gabbana has bowed to pressure and pulled the latest of it controversial ads. While D&G defends it's ads as 'a stylized depiction of fantasy', did no one in their marketing department stop and seriously consider that there are some fantasies that are best left in our heads?

In an ironic turn of events, a troop of Boy scouts in Utah burnt down a forest. While Smokey the bear could not be reached for comment, in a court settlement the Utah chapter has agreed to pay 330 Grand to cover the cost of battling the blaze and plant 9000 trees. I don't think selling apples is going to cover that, but auctioning off a few scouts to foreign investors might cover the tab.

We Canadians have always been on the forefront of finding novel solutions to global problems. Recently Paul Hellyer, one of our former defence ministers from back in Pearson era (1963), has proposed using alien technology to solve the planets woes.

Some people just have way to much time on their hands.

The things people will do with X-ray machines! Some of the images are NSFW so be warned. I know what you're thinking, how can an X-ray be unsuitable for work? Look on dear readers and be be prepared for a few WTF moments. What I can't figure out is is it art, porn or diagnostic imaging?

On the topic of kinky, does it get weirder then this? In a little town in Bethlehem the principal is a perv. Police entered the principals office to arrest him for selling Crystal Meth only to find him naked and watching gay porn surrounded by an impressive array of sex toys.

Its time for another top ten list! This time its the top modern delusions that help us get through our empty meaningless lives.

It appears that Boston city officials haven't learned much from the Hunger Force debacle as police shut down a few blocks of the city to blow up one of their own monitoring boxes and just recently a suspicious looking pedestrian.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Fit to Be Clicked

With the Oscars behind us for another year, we can now move on to obsessing about things other then who got what and who was wearing whom. But before we put all that behind us one has to wonder what we got out of all the sweat, tears and explosions of last years crop of cinematic excellence. To help you along, here is a list of all time favorites that you probably didn't get right either.

It was OK when cats got a show on Broadway, but when they get their own reality TV show one has to wonder if they are really trying to take over the world.The Meow-mix house is beyond adorable tho.

The inevitable robot uprising aside, I understand building robots to do our work for us, but when we start building them to play for us, that's just plain lazy.

This was too good, A woman in Washington taught her children how to fake being retarded so that she could collect social assistance on them and then got busted when her son applied for a drivers license. Speaking of retarded, scientists researching Downs syndrome have been experimenting with making mice retarded to test a drug that makes retarded people smarter and promises to alleviate the learning disabilities and other intellectual impairment in those afflicted with the condition. They tinkered around with mice to make them 'special', (and I do mean that in the Olympic sense), and saw a dramatic improvement in the ability of mice to navigate around a maze when given the drug, whose effects can linger for several months. While they are hoping to start human trials soon, anyone who made it through their high school reading list already knows how this ends! Now granted, I doubt it would turn the 'otherly abled' into geniuses, but at the same time if ignorance is bliss why heighten their awareness of their limitations? All I have to says is just leave some flowers for Algernon.

Healthy self esteem or burgeoning megalomaniacs? According to a new study, today's kids think they are oh so special. Of course they do! Most of us grew up in in environments where we were browbeaten relentlessly with our specialness to ensure we grew up with a positive self image and we do the same with kids today. That was considered good parenting in the 80's and 90's. This really devalued specialness, now that everyone is special the truly special people kinda go unnoticed. The only winners seem to be the Olympic special, who are happy as clams to be 'special' without knowing precisely what that means. Until we give them the drugs that is, and they figure exactly how special they are.

This is kinda creepy, it's the Manchurian Pigeon! Scientists in China have developed a system that allows them to control pigeons by remote control. I'm not sure what the practical applications of remote control birds would be or what they did to the pigeon to get it to co-operate but it strikes me as a more sophisticated attempt at Operation Acoustic Kitty.

The U.S. military has been having more and more problems getting a handle on security in Iraq. Sure manpower is tight and properly equipping the troops has always been an issue, but heck now they aren't even training them. Military brass assures us that despite the lack of dessert training, they'll get along just fine. And we wonder why things are gong downhill over there.

This is a freaking' cool picture! Its of a tungsten needle taken with an Ion Microscope. It's kinda freaky that those round things are actual atoms.

You to can now prepare your family for annihilation my terrorists with this handy guide put together by our American friends in Homeland Security. The signs are a bit obscure, but our other friends at SafeNow have decoded them for us. My favorite is 'If your building collapses crawl under a table and do yoga'

Another amusement for work. Try to eat this pie in as few bites as possible. The best I did was 16.

Monday, March 05, 2007

The Morning Wood

Ale Marchi, real name Alexander Marchi de Siqueira, born August 10, 1979, in Sao Paulo, is a Brazilian model. Standing 6'-1" and 175 pounds, he was a freshman communications (journalism) student before starting modeling for almost 7 years ago.

Recently one of my avid readers observed that the morning wood hasn't been rising as much as it used to. So this ones for you Sam, I try to keep on top on it. ;-)

Oh yeah, and my abhorance of social networking sites aside, I'm on Facebook now too.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Last week my muffin bought me a Transformer to guard my keys, I would have taken a picture of my heroic little Windcharger to go with the whole video theme of this entry, but I don't have fresh batteries. For those of you that are from another planet, excluding Cybertron that is, you can find out about them here. Needless to say that Kicked off a Transformers themed night of drinking games and fun all round. Thanks for the links Sean.

Now I imagine the party looked something like this when the Decepticons took over Cybertron. Soundwave is a party robot after all.

Then again, this Citroen has got some groove too...

There are some that are more athletic outdoorsy types though.

The iconic heroes and vilians have been reimagined for a new live action movie due out this fall. Looks cool, but the trailers down give much away. Although I always did wonder if there was more to the Beagle story.

This ones a bit more dramatic, but still no good shots of the robots.

Ever wondered what a Transformers/Lord of the rings cross over would look like? Ponder no more.

This has nothing to with transformers, I just thought it was fun looking up what songs that were cool when I was growing up and wondering what the heck I was thinking.