Welcome to Alternate Reality, or more simply 'Life As I See It'. A recollection of a unique view of this order of things.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Fit to be Clicked

Monsanto, a multi billion dollar company that almost has the market cornered when it comes to genetically engineered seed and crops is worried that you are being deceived. Even recently complaining to the FDA about those pesky organic dairy farmers, weirdo hippies and any other nutbars that insist on labeling their products as free of artificial hormones or genetic modification. It seems that by declaring their products free of such things, the farmers are insinuating that artificial hormones, pesticides and what-have-you are somehow bad for you. Laughable as it sounds, Monsanto may just have a point.

I think the idea of an alarm clock that runs away is cute. And I bet a lot of people that bought these things thought that too but if they are anything like me they could have probably tore it's wheels off after Snooze hit #3.

For those of you that don't have pets, and haven't encountered any hysterical pet owners over the past few months, there was this massive recall on pet foods because it seems that some of the ingredients were poisoned with industrial chemicals. Then to make matters worse, it turns out that the food that pigs are eating was contaminated with yet another poisonous chemical. There are conspiracy theorists out there wondering if it was done for profit as they claim that these chemicals make it look like there is more protein then there is. However, I think the answer is a bit more practical then that. The one thing that all these tainted ingredients have is that they come from China, and not just one factory in China either. While all sold by the same distributor, the tainted fillers and proteins came from several different rending plants. Now back in August of last year the Chinese were all in a panic over Rabies (as they should, it is one of the leading killers in China) and did a massive pet cull destroying about fifty thousand dogs. That was all fine and good, but it didn't solve the Rabies problem. Fast forward to November when the Chinese Government adopts a 'one small dog per family' law. Of course, people get attached to pets and regardless of prosecution may be tempted to not destroy any extra Pooches. Authorities are far to busy persecuting Falun Gong practitioners to go door-to-door looking for pets, so it not a big jump to wonder if poisoning the little darlings may well have been China's Final Solution to it's pet problem.

Fill 'er up...with Bacon! The fate of the poisoned pigs isn't so dark, after all some enterprising companies have figured out how to make gas out of them. Now don't get me wrong, I am all for Bio-fuels and finding creative uses for animal remains but I find the idea of running cars with dead animals just a wee bit disturbing to me for some reason. I guess I am used to my car running over them as opposed to running on them. It just might work tho, all it would take is a bit of genetic tinkering to make some extra fat Diesel Pigs, maybe Monsanto can help them out with that.

Smoking can be hazardous to your health, but it can save your life too.

There has been a lot of chatter lately about how the U.S administration has an agenda that seems to run counter the the best interests of the American way of life. The thing about democracies is that there are many visions on precisely what that way of life should be, so one can't demonize the current U.S. administration for trying to usher the country into the brave new world that they envision. There are however warning flags that such a direction may not be the best way to go. Top 10 signs your country is turning into a fascist state, or How to curtail constitutional freedoms in 10 easy steps. An interesting comparison about the recent political climate in the United States. In other political news, U.S. President George bush voted unanimously to grant himself the constitutional power to grant himself more powers.

On the environmental/entertainment/political front, Singer Sheryl Crowe is encouraging us to cut down on the amount of toilet paper we use. Which made me pause for a moment, as I can't figure out why it's cute when those annoying Charmin bears dance around singing about how great using less toilet paper is, but when a singer just talks about it I crack up laughing. Crowe and Karl Rove mixed things up recently at the White House Correspondents dinner. After reading a few different perspectives on the encounter I'm still not sure if Rove was just tired of global warming and just wanted to talk about golf, or uncomfortable being touched by people that use so little toilet paper.

On the topic of politicians that say dumb things. The European parliament and Poland are at odds over a draft of legislation that would ban the 'promotion' of homosexuality in Polish schools. During the debate Polish MEP Witold Tomczak was recently quoted to say "The solution is to help those who suffer [homosexuals] and to provide them with the cure that they expect us to deliver". Try as I might I can't find any headlines about Gays getting together and lobbying any government for a cure to homosexuality. I guess they suffer in silence. Not to be outdone, an MEP from the League of Polish Families, Maciej Giertych, has published a pamphlet stating that homosexuality is "biologically useless" and "reversible" as long as there is "the desire to become heterosexual and the spiritual motivation". I may cede to his point on the reproductive aspect, however even animals use sex for reasons other then reproduction and most of them are gay too. The expression of homosexuality must have some social and evolutionary benefits (other then concentrating style, taste and flair all in one friendly demographic), otherwise natural selection would have certainly culled it out fairly quickly.

Of course, it would unfair to single out Poland for enacting senseless laws when it comes to sex, check out this list of bizarre sex laws from around the world. Keeping with the theme, it seems that a direct descendant of the prophet Muhammad has been doing gay porn on Xtube. [This story mentioned with no insult to the respected teachings of Islam, although he does seem to violate bizarre sex laws 1 and 2]. It seems there is an arrest warrant out for Richard Gere and Shilpa Shetti for 'transgressing all limits of vulgarity' at a recent appearance. It sounds really hot, until you realize that apparently Indians are very good at hysterically overreacting.

Runaway Brides! A Nigerian woman and her 4 lesbian brides go underground after their wedding to avoid death by stoning or something worse. Why do I see either OutTV or the Playboy channel picking up the rights on this story...

The makers of that slippery adult lubricant Astroglide made a huge gaff earlier this week when they accidentally posted the names AND addresses of 250 thousand people that had requested free samples of their product...ONLINE! Personally I've never been a fan, I find it breaks down in the high friction situations I often find myself in.

Schadenfreude (an overly long German word that can be summed up as simply being spiteful), is not a very evolved thing and I do so try to repress the urge to cackle with glee whenever a celebrities antics catch up with them. Snoop Doggs bad boy image has gotten him banned from yet another country. Officials in Australia cancelled his travel visa after he failed a character test when pleading no contest to a slew of weapons and drug charges in the US. "He doesn't seem the sort of bloke we want in this country," Immigration Minister Kevin Andrews was quoted to say. Newsflash Snoop, the 'street cred' that made your career can also destroy it. In other celebrity news, English actor Hugh Grant has been arrested for assaulting a photographer...with beans!

Life imitates the movies, it turns out that Kryptonite is real. Although its not really Kryptonite and they are calling it Jadarite and it fluoresces Pink not green, so I can't see what all the fuss is about but it does provide a handy lead into BBC's Site about the science behind a few of our favorite superheroes.

No comments: