Welcome to Alternate Reality, or more simply 'Life As I See It'. A recollection of a unique view of this order of things.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Fit to be clicked

From formalwear to chew toys, the products for pets market has been on fire lately. And has reached a new level altogether now that you're beloved pooch can enjoy a few refreshing brews with you and your chums. That's right, now fifi and fido can be an alcoholic just like daddy. Interestingly enough, they seem to be able to handle booze better then thier owners though.

Reproductive technology has made some interesting ethical strides as well, sperm from dead fathers, eggs from dead mothers, and now if your own uterus just isn't doing it for you,
you can trade it in for a previously enjoyed model. Sure it worked on mice, but this is a human issue after all. Admitedly my ethics are dubious at the best of times, I'm all for another round of flipper babies but even I think zombie babies are a touch disturbing. I just can't help but question the wisdom of giving immunosupressant drugs with warnings like, "Do not take this if you are pregnant, planning to become pregnant or if you're even planning on attending a baby shower", to women that obviously would like to do just that.

On the topic of wombs. Researchers report that both young and old, women just
can't stop getting pregnant. In thier defence nature has optimized them for the task and apparently birth control doesn't work anyway. Some girls, like the lovely lizard Flora here won't even wait for a man to do the deed, even tho Mozart the iguana seems to have serious libido issues of his own.

The big news in space is that Nasa's New Horizons probe is bearing down on its rendezvous with Jupiter where
Jupiter’s gravity will fling it into the outer depths of the solar system at a breakneck speed so that it can tell Pluto that it's been demoted.
On a slightly more upbeat note,
the moon is doomed. And for that matter so is the earth, and everything else. Cosmologists are such optimistic people aren't they? Add global warming to the mix and the future looks down right rosy. The message here folks: The grandkids are already screwed, so over-consume and enjoy life now since future generations won’t have the chance.

Proving that people will get upset over just about anything. Critics of
Uri Geller, (You know, that wacky Israeli who's superpower seems to be limited to bending spoons which has been known to inexplicably fail during live TV broadcasts), are attacking his new show 'The Successor' alleging that no real magic happens. Apparently this may damage people that think he actually can bend spoons with his mind.

Moving to the international scene, as if dealing with Bird flu wasn't enough for Chinas poultry population, now they need
watch out for the neighbors kids too.

Efforts to contain the generally
rampant crime in Mexico have gone both high and low tech. Officers in Mexico City have been implanted with RFID chips as a deterent to them being kidnapped, and in Tijuana they've taken guns away from the police and replaced them with slingshots. It may just be me, but if the police kidnappings are a problem, maybe they need guns.

The nice folks in the US homeland security 'information sharing environment' office are trying to
simplify terror alerts in a effort to speed up how long it takes alerts to actually alert people. Considering the level most of the bureaucracy seems to operate at, I suggest using Muppets.

What happens when all those little white lies you tell about your virtual self to all the virtual people out there on the Net spill out into real life? Bizarre
internet love triangles and murder apparently.

On the topic of virtual lives, the BBC is launching
virtual world for the Kiddies. While expected to be fairly similar to the other massively multiplayer online offerings, parents can rest assured that their kids are safe in this virtual oasis of childhood innocence because there are no chat rooms. That's right, those malign seedy chat rooms where the sickos hunt your babies that Nightline can't seem to stop reporting about aren't there. Of course, your child can still swap photos, browse profiles, send telegrams and share stories with pedophiles, but thank god they can't chat with them. My advice to parents? Steer clear of virtual worlds and encourage your kids to mess up their first life, before going off and messing up a second one.

Ninja Kittens take down Coca-Cola...well ninja style I guess.

Ergonomics meets 1984.This Workstation, either belongs on the space station, or in an orwellian torture chamber. I haven't been Able to figure out which.


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